Who am I? Well, I'm just a guy.
Most of us have some above and below average qualities, but for the most part, we fall short of being extraordinary at much of anything. We go about living life, working hard, and minding our own business, sometimes for decades on end, until one day. . . we finally got jacked right out of the matrix.
It can be a rude and brutal awakening, finding out so much of what you thought you knew about the world is a lie. Sometimes if we are lucky, breaking apart everything we thought we knew leaves us open to something more. Sometimes even a lifelong skeptic, and as atheist as one can possibly be, can rise from those ashes and have a spiritual awakening. By some measures, it will be a complete and utter mess. On a surface level, it might even seem like it’s ruining much of your life. But, radically changing your life is not something that a person can reasonably expect to be simple and easy.
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We don’t often find enlightenment the first time while meditating on a cliff overlooking the ocean, or any other scenic view. Sometimes, we experience something and never fully comprehend what it was that we experienced, but we remember what we felt, and how it changed the way we see the world. Research can reveal possible explanations, perhaps it was a Kundalini awakening. But, there is no way to be truly certain. Often, we will come away from our mystifying experience with a sense of purpose, knowledge, or quest for knowledge. An awareness of my inner child, how badly I’ve neglected them, and why I need to connect with them was my own was what was revealed to myself, but we all experience different things. Then life keeps going and you fall into the same habits you were up to previously, the same patterns, and you can easily get trapped in a rut like a bowling bowl rolling down the gutter towards the end of the lane.
To fit into society we are taught to suppress our inner child, and as a man, it’s even more expected of you. People might preface that with, “in western society”, but, that might be even more true in “eastern society”. Fracturing ourselves into pieces, to pack away, to send off forever? That is more harmful to your sense of self than most people can even imagine, and a big part of the reason people do no feel at one with themselves. You will always feel as if something is missing if a part of you is neglected, never cared for, and suppressed.
On a surface level I see the value in it, it’s hard to get by in life without maturity, discipline, and focus. These are all attributes that your inner child not respect if you let them take over. But, it’s not about permanently becoming your inner child. It’s about nurturing them, and eventually allowing yourself to be vulnerable enough that inviting them out once in a while can actually happen.
Whatever it was I am grateful, because I was already jacked out of the matrix, and I was floundering. After falling down the never ending rabbit hole, a deep sense of despair had taken over me, and it persisted for months. But since my awakening, there is so much more hope.
Of course, just as this happens? Your life seem to be eroding beneath my feet in many ways outside my immediate control. Great change often comes through surviving chaos, the kind that might crush you. It is through suffering that you develop true and lasting character, and this is not a way in which you develop while going through the good times. It is also humbling, but in such a way that it can really force you to refine your values. If you can survive it without breaking, and walk away with a greater appreciation for what really matters in life, you have gained the kind of wisdom that help you win the big picture.
Nobody wants to be starting over again after a certain age in life, I know that I certainly don’t, but we are not always given a choice in the matter. There is no use in sitting around feeling sorry for yourself, or you will succumb to darkness just as you predicted, fulfilling your self prophecy. You can lean on anger to push yourself through the day, and be productive, but doing so will leave you with a built up resentment in your heart that will go on to poison you each and every day, and infect all of your relationships because it will have tilted the lens through which you look at the world. It truly is you against the world in many ways, but at the same time, it isn’t anything like that at all.
The most powerful force inside of us, is the positivity that comes from love. Human’s haven’t gone on to rule the planet because of a “me against the world” mentality. If we put a human and monkey on an island alone, the monkey, or basically any other animal in it’s place, will outperform the human. With enough survival skills the human can do ok, but even then, they will very likely still die at a young age because they will be missing love. Our minds are powerful forces, and so long as we have love in our lives, and hope, we can ward of sickness, overcome seemingly impossible challenges, and through sheer will, add years and years to our lives.